not knowing

Today (Wed) a woman called me, and her neck was in pain. She wanted an appointment on Friday during the day, it was her day off. I could see her Wed, Th or Fr at 7:30pm, because I had other clients, because I am going to be taking Bowen therapy class, and because my building is being remodeled till 6pm. I tried to explain all that and offer her appointment for the next evening (somehow I forgot about the same evening and she didn't ask for it). But she did not want to drive at night. Fine. Friday was her day off and she didn't want to wait all day for the massage either. I told her that I don't know too many people who can fix necks, and I have done it before. So she said she will find someone for this Friday and asked me if she can see me NEXT Saturday. I said no, that's my vacation. I am going to the African drum and dance camp, once every two years. She didn't ask for any other days and brushed me off rather loudly saying that I was "busy" and she will keep on looking. Well, good luck to her. Later I remembered I forgot to say that I could see her on Sunday afternoon.

For me, it was interesting to observe how unwilling I was to compromise. That's influence of my ex-boyfriend, who recently showed up after 7 months and wants to resume where he left off, and I am kicking and screaming. He didn't show up with flowers and I do not like it.

The incident with the woman showed me that it was time to ditch the guy. In life, there is only limited energy, and we have to use it wisely, by hanging out with people who support us and nurture us. If a close associate is draining, then forget it, it is not worth it. That was a hard lesson for me to learn, as this woman shows.

Sometimes we just need to be realistic and see it for what it is. At this point, I have no idea what I am seeing - am I too rude and impatient, am I just protecting myself (that would be an accomplishment) or what. The only thing that I do know is that when conversations like with this woman happen, I am not in a good space and must change asap.

In massage business, some people expect pampering. I don't really give too much of it in terms of bending over to kiss their shoes. If they want it, they want it, I am nice, if they don't - well, good luck, wherever you are going! This woman wanted something I could not give her, because I was totally drained by this guy who makes me feel like I am fighting windmills - evertything is a struggle. I was not willing to patiently talk with the woman and help her decide and negotiate with me. Oh well...