what's on the inside comes to the outside

It was a very growing-up, educational experience for me personally to be able to process the Born Again "christian" experience and exorcise it out of my energetic field. It was such a bad experience, very sobering insight into the dark side of human nature, and honestly, very scary and depressing view of human race. It makes you lose faith in humanity. How can a human being possibly believe that some people are superior to others? I never came close to anything like that before and it was simply shocking and terrifying. Contact with that made me look at people and wonder what hideous stuff is behind the "normal citizen" facade.

In my book, a human being at least tries to uphoald some noble and true values, like "all humans are equal" etc. and of course to often fail in practice in little details of daily life. But to intentionally and willingly and convincingly believe that some are superior than others?!

No wonder that SRF nun said that any contact with something like that can only increase hurt feelings. It truly does.
The *only* thing someone like that can do is HURT OTHERS.
No wonder Earth is so messed up.... with so many people like that walking around.

This Born Again popped into my head recently. I have no idea why. It made me realize several things: he treated me just like he treated his church, like he treats everything - he TALKED about how he loved me, but he never actually acted on it;
it never oozed out of him, he never felt it nor expressed it. His idea of "love" was just like Sunday sermon - lots of words without meaning and without practical application in daily life. Empty, fake, deceiving.
As if he was a zombie - saying one thing like a parrot.
Also, he was a super version of his own father, who he said was all about talk and no action.

And he didn't understand that it wasn't only TALKING that made a difference - when I asked him to leave his church because it was the foundation stone of his inability to love and relate, he said: "Oh, I know what I need to do in order to gain you - I just need to say that I denounce the church." He never got it - it is not enough to "just say it." The only thing that counts is what you ARE INSIDE, what you believe inside, because that's how you act on the outside.

what is inside comes to the surface and that's who you are on the outside.

What we should strive for is something noble and good, like equality, like compassion, FOR ALL. All saints and sages are like that. There is one God, and that one God is in charge of us all. There are no "favorites" of God. There are no "sure tickets to heaven" if you belong to the "right club" and call yourself christian or whatever. It is a very individualized contract with God and there are no shortcuts and deals. God requires one thing, and either you got it or not: ability to truly feel, experience and act on "Love thy Neighbor as Thyself" and "love God with all Thy heart, mind and soul." God never said: "how much you talked about it", he said "how much you can do it, NOW." There are people who are more evolved, like Jesus or Buddha or Krishna. There are people who are less evolved. And everyone should be striving to evolve.

I guess that was the growing up fact for me: everyone is striving, in their own way, to the extent they are capable and willing. Some people are weak and have serious character and other flaws and they are not striving much if at all, and that's the best that they can and/or are willing to do.

Like a drunk who wants and likes to drink - what can he do? Not much. Doesn't matter how he started drinking and why - the fact is, he drinks, he likes it, and he wants to keep doing that.

That was the growing up for me: Earth consists mostly of people who are not willing to wake up. Who are scared. Who are seriously wounded. Who are following false paths.
Only a very few, who are very persistent and very very lucky, get to experience something else.

I used to believe that everyone is following something Higher, some certain higher calling from the inside, because that's the only thing that makes sense to me.
It does NOT make sense to majority of humanity.
And yet - it is a complete waste to even think about that. Yes, it is shocking, and hard to believe, and very tempting to keep on wondering how the heck can they live like that, but then they use you as a holder of their own shame and remorse. So, the best thing is to forget all about asleep people and really really focus on developing oneself.

I call that growing up :) Also, loving myself. Taking care of myself.

Because, the truth is, there are people who Remember Something and who are trying to wake up. It takes faith to keep on developing oneself in order to come in contact with Those Who are More Evolved. They are around too. Not as visible but definitely present. It is very prudent to focus on that side of the story. TO FOCUS ON POSITIVE AND HIGHER.