What is God like?

I just parted ways with an aspiring boyfriend, let's call him S, who is a Born Again Christian. His idea of the world is based on sin, guilt, fear, and some kind of "love of god" that I don't really get because God is shown as ravengeful punishing thing that one must fear and appease. So, S. is trying to be "good" so that this "god" won't smack him. S. is deeply, emotionally, at the core of his being very afraid of God and actually has physical reactions out of that fear. It stops him from living his life. In short, S. (and most church goers) have a very immature idea of God as a "big daddy" that will punish them and thus rules them by fear.

I come from atheist background from a family that believes that "there is Something, but not like god from church". Unfortunately, we never explored further this Something. Unfortunately, then my own belief in God was rather immature too - I can do whatever I want and God is supposed to fix it all and keep me safe, happy, etc.

A mature relationship with God is more on equal level. Well, not really equal, because God is certainly not equal :) I mean, on a level where we willingly cooperate. I do the things that I need to do, and God provides. Me and God talk it over, I get instructions and guidance, I provide feedback as to how things are going, I have some say, etc. and I do it.

How do I know which things I need to do? That's a very good question :) The answer is only in meditation. Daily meditation.


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As for the aspiring boyfriend: he tried for 2 years to convert me. He tried to pretend he wasn't this "christian" thing and he never fully showed it, but he tried to convert me to his side, which I think is plain stupid. Religious fundamentalism is definitely soemthing that caused and still causes a lot of grief on this planet, and S. is a good example of that. His life is unhappy and clogged up, frozen, to the point of not functioning as a normal healthy human being would, and also always lieing, feeling guilty, suffering, trying to cover up his tracks, etc. What kind of "god" is that?

God wants us free, open, loving, compassionate, contributing, warm, productive, happy, healthy, and all that. He wants us to care for the world. If we dont do service and care - and this is not necessarily "mother Theresa" kind of service - then we are not following God.
OUR MAIN SERVICE IS BY BEING HONEST TO OURSELVES, FREE FROM MEGATIVE EMOTIONS, POSITIVE, CHEERFUL, AND DOING OUR DUTIES WILLINGLY AND ENTHUSIASTICALLY, CARING FOR WHATEVER IS UNDER OUR CARE, WORKING FOR SOMETHING MUCH HIGHER THAN OUR OWN LITTLE ASS. As simple as that.

When people do not have the consciousness to udnerstand finer things, they make this very crude and low, they make it into rules and morals, fear, guilt, etc. That's their level of understanding... The only way is to increase the consciousness, the awareness, the maturity.