? unknown

I have no idea what is going to happen now. I just know that I made a decision, and when that happens, there are always consequences.

I decided this:
the candidates that I have around me are not cutting it. And I have been lazy in putting in effort to find someone suitable. So I need to put some effort to find someone more suitable. So, I have made a decision that I will go on dates and be serious about this. And finally get married soon, it's time.

I am already noticing that I am getting more serious about this because the pattern is always: when someone who looks suitable and asks me out shows up on the horizon, I become very ansy and distressed (because I hate making romantic decisions - because I mostly made bad ones so far...) and then I start checking the guy and testing him. Well, someone showed up and passed the first test - he actually was kind and considerate to me in a situation difficult for him. That's a good sign. This guy might even make it, who knows. But again - I know him via business so he is out of question for going out with. The only chance he has is to work with me and somehow becomes a super deep long lasting love that results in marriage.

But, someone will show up, since I made a decision. This kind and proactive guy actually helped me make that decision.

Now - who shows up is a mystery. The last time I made this kind of decision, I had person X in mind and actively went to pursue him, but then ended up with person Y, completely out of blue and totally unexpected. I didn't even know person Y. I just chopped veggies for one hour with this person and he ended up asking me out because he liked my nice skin. Well, after dealing with the Old Rat, I don't have nice skin anymore. That's sad.

This time I will be smarter, hopefully I have learned something by now :) the hard way. Very hard way, unfortunately. I wish I was smarter. But again - we learn as we grow.

There is a dance next week in the local gym and I will find a date to go out with. How about that. When have I done that the last time? About 20 yrs ago ....

There is hope :)